Marriage was Not Designed for This

I'm sorry to those who find it hard to see marriage things flood social media, as my posts and pictures have been basically nothing but that. I am not big on social media, but I like to publicly announce to the world, I am taken, and so is my wife to be Emily Lyles. It is not for this desire that I apologize, I think it could be a true time of joint celebration. This opportunity is especially true for those who are brothers and sisters in faith, for we are called to be one as Jesus and the father are one. Therefore, my joys are to be your joys, but the reverse is also true, your struggles should be a personal concern of mine. However, we (Emily and I) are only a fraction of the reason to celebrate our marriage. Marriage, as a covenant bond, is a representation of the covenant bond God offers us through Jesus Christ. To be clear I, in no way, think married or engaged people have a better or closer relationship to Christ. I also realize that this whole post could sound hypocritical, but in light of the very apparent and burdensome weight that this culture puts on marriage, the weight I have just started to become increasingly aware of as "The Big Day" comes closer, I feel I must speak anyways.

I am a pretty "go by the beat of my on drum" kinda guy, as I have been told often. So until recently my beat wasn't ever beating wedding tunes, or more relevantly, I was not listening to what the cultures drum beat pounded loudly about marriage and relationships. That pounding from an accumulation of messengers is the reason I am sorry. Marriage is a huge end game for a lot of people and for many others it is game over. Neither of which is true. I declare this confidently as truth. This declaration is not due to my own wisdom, but that of the great cloud of witnesses, the predecessors who demonstrated the light of truth from generation to generation, and from the scriptures and God's spirit.

The first wrong view can result in statements like "Once you know God is enough, He will provide a spouse," and "True love waits." As if married people, or those on track to be married, live from a knowledge that God is enough in a more profound way than their single brothers or sisters. As for the well meaning "True love waits," to wait for true love, is to wait to breathe. Jesus is the only unblemished true love, a husband or wife is merely to be a shadow of true Love to an individual. Similarly to a shadow of a tree, a shadow has some of its own, but not independent, benefits. You can relax in shade on a hot summer day, as you can rest in the arms of your spouse after a long hard day. On the reverse, shadows cannot be climbed or bring nourishment, and it makes it more challenging for a flower trying to complete photosynthesis. Spouse's likewise creates difficulties, they cannot be your ultimate source of joy, worth, or purpose, no matter how godly your spouse is, he or she can not satisfy your deepest intrinsic needs. As for those who at some level are waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right to fill that void, this is a dangerous lie that will only succeed in putting a weight on the shadow that can only be held by the tree. Even if you intellectually accept and morally agree with the previous, it is still a struggle to live out, as you start the process of becoming one, or try not to covenant the ones who are on that journey. In addition to that real stumbling block, there is a plethora of other struggles of getting married, if there wasn't, divorce would be a rare phenomenon.

Which leads to the other extreme, marriage is game over, which is also untrue but considering this has been primarily about marriage most people in that boat glanced at this post, felt sorry for me, and moved on. So I'll keep this section short. The first proof that marriage is not game over in life is the aforementioned pinnacle benefit of marriage, namely a representation of God's commitment to us, which can be celebrated as a supporter or a participant. Another one would be to take a love from a fickle union with the chance of being undone by a current, very possible fleeting, feeling to a dependable covenant love is scary but exhilarating.

With all these false ideas putting weddings on a pedestal and/or diluting the sanctity of marriage, I felt it would be useful to hear from a man of God currently in the throes of the exciting and hectic engagement stage. This was originally going to be a sentence or two post about reading the Meaning of Marriage for premarital counseling and looking up wedding ring prices... blah blah... marriage. As you can tell it turned out to be something completely different, and I truly believe that there is a reason that I wrote this.

P.S. To those who do not share my faith, you might have noticed there was not much about marriage that would be universal, and that is because I believe God set up marriage, redeems marriage and is revealed in marriage.